


Kisses Can't Sustain You

by SaradaUchiha402



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Christian Character of Color, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Half-Vampires, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Substance Abuse, Unrequited Love, Vampires, Werewolves, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27222175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaradaUchiha402/pseuds/SaradaUchiha402
Summary: Edward found out Bella didn't commit suicide and thus he never went to Italy. Bella eventually moves on with Jacob. 15 years later, she's pregnant and married. Too late to change the past, Edward lives on in misery. In a hazy night of hunger and self-hatred, he stumbles across someone he never expected; Leah Clearwater. Bonds form. Lessons are learned.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale, Jacob Black/Bella Swan, Leah Clearwater/Edward Cullen
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	1. Meeting Edward

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fanfiction for several reasons. One reason is because there's not enough Leah and Edward fanfictions out there. I hope that by the end of this story your perspective on certain things, whether it is in the series or outside of it, is changed or broadened. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. This fanfiction is currently rated T, but may be changed to a higher rating later depending on how dark the content gets. Everything happened in the series up until the latter half of New Moon, as implied in the summary. Edward never went to the Volturi and thus Bella never goes after him. This drastically alters the trajectory of their lives. I've seen this type of storyline before except that usually it's from the perspective of Bella and Jacob. In this story, it is mostly from Edward. The main pairing in this is Leah and Edward (eventually) but there will be mention of Jacob and Bella and past Edward and Bella. All other canon ships will remain canon. I am also very pro Rosalie as a character so if you like her, she gets a happy ending. ;)
> 
> In case people are not familiar with the timeline of Twilight it goes like this: Bella and Edward meet in January of 2005. September 2005 is when Edward leaves her. March 2006 is the month Leah first phases and when Bella stops Edward from killing himself in Italy (*originally*). This story takes off in the present of when this story was first published; late October 2020. Hopefully this information will help you follow along with the story better.
> 
> Warning: This fanfiction contains dark and angsty material. There is mention of suicidal ideation, murder, emotional abuse, substance abuse, and depression. If any of this is triggering or offensive to you, I advise you not to read. This is also a slow-burn, so if you don't like those you may not want to read this.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga. It belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

**Chapter 1**

It's been 13 years. Thirteen long years. And he still can't forget the sight of her sunny face as she kissed her husband, _Jacob Black._

Edward took a swig of the brandy, wishing for the hundredth time that its alcoholic contents would actually make him drunk for once. But of course, it doesn't and it's why a few minutes later the century year old vampire is seen hovering outside of his shoddy little home in the middle of nowhere, regurgitating an undigested liquid.

His hair is messy and eyes nearly a pitch black as he staggers off to the side, slumping over on the ground. He can barely breathe despite not needing _to_ breathe. After all this time, Bella finally is having her first child. Great. That's what he wanted, right? For her to live a long, happy, _human_ life. Yes, that's what he wanted.

_Liar._

He hadn't thought it would be easy but he also hadn't thought it would be so hard. Being away from her was almost unimaginable. She was still his drug, his very own brand of heroine, though not in the way of the past. It wasn't her blood that sung to him anymore but her. Her beauty, her innocence, her kindness, her everything. He wanted her, all of her. Heart, body, mind, and soul. But she was no longer his to keep. At least, not since 15 years ago. He had relinquished that right the day he told her he didn't love her.

Edward would be lying though if he said he stayed away from her during _all_ of that time. There had been a false alarm once, not too long after he left - a few months probably, though with her absence, every day felt like a decade on its own - where Alice had seen Bella jumping off a cliff in apparent suicide. But when Edward had called the one number he had promised himself never to call again, Bella picked up herself, explaining she was ok.

Her voice was a sweet melody to his ears. But the temptation was too great for him. He ignored her pleas of coming back and wanting to know how he was and promptly hung up the phone after ensuring her safety. It was one of the most challenging instances of his life.

He couldn't keep away for too much longer. Three months later he finally fell to his weakness, and decided he had to see her, even if it was from afar, just to get the chance to hear her voice again and to see her smile (yet he supposed a darker, much smaller part of him didn't want to see her happy, as he wanted to see if their distance apart affected her as much as it did him). Bella did look happy but it was with _whom_ that he hadn't expected.

She was hanging around with Jacob Black, a person Edward once used to like the thoughts of before finding out from Alice the boy's wolfish nature. He growled at the sight of him (out of worry for Bella's safety of course and not something as petty as jealousy) and had to refrain from materializing in front of Bella, whisking her away, and demanding her as to what in the world she thought she was doing. Keeping the company of werewolves? It was preposterous, not to mention incredibly dangerous! But he reigned himself back at the last moment realizing that the place they had been standing at was just shy of the reservation's territory. He could not impede on the Quileute tribe's land without evidence of provocation from their side first, lest there be a breech in the treaty. He could not break such a thing since it would not only put himself at risk but his family as well.

Bella went to the tribe's land often and when she wasn't, the dogs were often seen accompanying her around her house, two things Edward could not prevent without revealing himself. Despite this, he was determined to keep Bella safe. He was ready at any moment to come to her aid if the dogs even displayed a hint of betraying her. He read their minds from afar to discern their motives and their dedication in protecting her. Whenever the dogs weren't swarming her like a pack of flies, he'd follow her at a safe distance. He'd watch her as she went to local places such as the grocery store or the town's single diner, and did not hesitant to trail after her as she visited nearby cities like Port Angeles (he shivered just thinking about her being alone at any of those places. The night he stopped those sex offenders from carrying out their evil intentions towards her was still an event that played through his mind daily). He dreamed of the day when he could sneak into her room again to listen to the gentle breathing of her sleeping form and to gaze upon her peaceful face, but he was regretful to find that the dogs didn't go even one night without patrolling Bella's house.

He had learned through their thoughts that they managed to capture and kill Victoria but nonetheless, Jacob, who had now stepped up as alpha, did not want Bella unguarded at night. She had always been a magnet for trouble. Edward felt a mix of appreciation and horror at this. Though protecting Bella was commendable, did the dogs not realize that they themselves posed as a threat to her?!

But alas, due to the circumstances, Edward could do nothing but sit and watch. It drove him _insane._ He could only linger in the shadows as those around him spoke and laughed with the human girl who had stolen his dead heart. The dogs never actually caught him in the act of watching after his beloved, as he always maintained a safe distance and tried not to feed in the Forks area, but Jacob's thoughts revealed that he always seemed to sense his presence. It made the boy on edge and thus, Edward had to be extra careful in hiding his scent when the shapeshifter was near. There had been a few close calls but none that had actually grown into fruition.

Then that fateful evening came. The night Jacob proposed and Bella accepted. Edward could still remember like it was yesterday reading Jacob's thoughts of the whole scene. How Bella hadn't even hesitated to answer and jump in Jacob's arms.

Edward suddenly chucked the still half bottle of brandy on the door of the back porch. Its glass frame shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. He cursed beneath his breath, something he rarely did before abandoning Bella, and tucked himself into a tight ball on the dew covered grass. He had long gotten used to adapting the fetal position as a way to block himself from the world. He hated life and all that it had robbed him. Humanity. Bella. Maybe the latter was what he got for playing 'god' all those years ago. Killing life that wasn't his to judge or take.

He hadn't been man enough to go to her wedding, not that he would have physically been able to do so anyway with it being on the reservation. But he was too much of a masochist. It's why he peeked into the thoughts of some of the departing wedding guests and saw through their mind's eye what they had considered to be one of the liveliest weddings they had ever been to. Angela Webber thought she had never seen such a newly wedded couple more in love. Edward remembered a time when he used to enjoy Angela Webber's thoughts and admired her kindness towards Bella, even going as far as to setting her up with her current fiancé Ben. How he despised her kind thoughts now.

He had ran away from Forks after that, determined to never return again. But that didn't mean he wouldn't be keeping tabs on Bella. A sweet little thing called Facebook came out and he was easily able to use it to keep up to date with Bella's life. It had taken multiple attempts to get her added as a Facebook friend, as that was the only way to see anything on her page. He had first tried sending her a friend request by posing as a friend of a friend, but of course, his all-consuming little lamb was very private and cautious of who she let inside her life. She always had been. To put it briefly, he was forced in the end to hack someone's account who was already on her friends list (better it was him than anyone else as unlike actual internet scammers and hackers, he had no intention of stealing any of the person's information or reading through their personal messages).

Bella didn't post much but when she did it was mostly about major life events. She posted the day she and the mutt went to college. She got a degree in literature while he had gotten one in automotive mechanics technology. There was another photo posted months later of them both posing in front of their new house. Bella was awkwardly standing in the front yard of the medium sized suburban home as the dog made a goofy expression at the camera with his arm wrapped around the "sold" sign on their front yard. Later posts revealed that they still lived quite close to the reservation and visited it often. Bella taught literature at Forks high school while the mutt opened his own mechanics shop. A lot of the other photos on her page were tagged posts of her hanging out with other people or silly challenges that people encouraged her to partake in, something he didn't think Bella would ever do.

And then the most recent post by her, at the age of 33, was of an ultrasound. She was having a _baby._ With _**him.**_ Edward felt sick every time he thought of the black and white image ingrained in his brain. Maybe that's why he ended up hopelessly drinking the brandy; to purge the nauseous feeling that was flowing through his being but that his frozen state could not upchuck by itself.

His body slowly started to rock. His pale fingers dug mercilessly into the soil beneath them as he tore into the grass, ripping the green hair of the earth out in chunks. Of course she would be pregnant, why wouldn't she be? She was married. But he supposed he had never allowed his mind to wander that far. He hadn't thought about the implications of what a marriage meant. He chuckled humorlessly. He was so stupid. So naïve. So... _arrogant._

Jacob Black had been putting his filthy paws all over _**his**_ Bella. Touching her. Making love to her. It made venom burn up Edward's throat. His teeth peeked from between his lips.

No, he had never thought it would be this hard to keep away from Bella. And it was too late now to realize he couldn't _survive_ without her _._ Without Bella...he didn't know what the point of living was anymore.

His back pocket started vibrating. He pointedly ignored it. Only one person ever bothered to call him these days. _Alice._ The rest of the Cullens hadn't contacted him in the last year. He told them he needed space. Carlisle and Esme, though concerned, did not push it. They figured he probably needed some time to figure himself out again as he had those many years ago. But his relationship with Alice had always been different. And if she was calling precisely at this moment then that could only mean one thing: she saw something in her visions just now that scared her enough to check up on him. He sniffled, a human feat he didn't need to actually do. Maybe he was feeling more desperate and suicidal than he thought. He wouldn't be telling the truth if he said he hadn't thought about the Volturi more often lately. What he could do to get them to kill him. Or his craziest yet secret desired fantasy yet - run to the La Push reservation where he knew Bella to be, rip out Jacob Black's throat, and pull Bella into a long awaited goodbye kiss before the rest of the dogs jumped on him, tearing him to shreds with their mangy beast forms.

The phone continued to vibrate for many times, going on for what seemed like hours before it finally stopped. Not once had Edward moved from the fetal position he had on the ground. God, he wished he could sleep, if only to quiet the endless turmoil of thoughts blazing through his head.

On the other side of the world, Alice Cullen stamped her foot on the ground in a huff. Concern marred her countenance. "Dang it Edward." she bit out. "I can no longer see you!"


	2. Leah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those who gave this fanfiction a shot. I know that not everybody leaves reviews or kudos stories, but the fact that some people chose to click on this story really encourages me. Certain stories I write not just for myself but for the audience as well, so to see people reading it really urges me to continue writing it. A special thank you to those who commented, subscribed, and/or left a kudo. It really encourages me to update on a steady schedule. I will try to respond to all comments. 
> 
> One more thing to all readers; as this is a fanfiction I will take certain liberties. I will try to keep characters "in character" as much as possible and to try to keep things in canon in regards to the Quileute tribe and the relationship dynamics within them. Since Edward did return to Forks for 1 year unbeknownst to the wolf pack, I think his presence could have realistically sparked some of the transformations that we see occur in the later half of the Twilight series. The imprints that happen in the Twilight saga are still canon as well as the mentioned shifters. With this said, I am going to tweak a little bit of Leah's background.
> 
> This is because I think some of the things shown in regards to her character were contradictory in the series, along with other characters. This is just my personal opinion, but I think there was a lot of telling, not showing, in the books (which I usually don't mind as long as I enjoy the storyline itself) but when we actually see these characters and their behaviors they tend to do the exact opposite of how we were told they'd behave. This is not for every character, but I feel like Leah was one of them in regards to her personality. I'm not going to go into as to why I feel this way, but I wanted to put this out there so that some readers will have a better understanding of why I do some minor changes in the story. I'm trying to make better sense of her character and portray the way she internalizes things in a believable way. Mind you, I am not one of those people that hate Stephanie Meyer or her writing. I actually respect her as an author for introducing me to the world of reading and writing, amongst other things. Also keep in mind that a long span of time has passed since our beloved characters experienced what we see in the Twilight Saga, so they are bound to be thinking a little differently and behave more maturely compared to when they were still teenagers.

When Leah had gone out running, she hadn't expected to be shot. But as many things had already surprised Leah in life, such as discovering that her boyfriend left her for her cousin/best friend and that she could burst into a big ball of fur, Leah should have expected nothing less. The gun of the hunter was still trained on her as her wolf form crashed landed on the ground below. The moon was out but it wouldn't be for much longer. It was 4 in the morning. Which meant she needed to be more careful in these parts if she didn't want to get sighted by the authorities. Being targeted by the police force and local hunters back in Forks all those years ago had not been a happy time in her life.

Despite the pain where the bullet had pierced her stomach, Leah immediately leapt back onto her feet, not wanting to give the woman another opportunity to aim at her. The shapeshifter berated herself for her own stupidity. She never should have bounded after that buck. She could have lasted another hour or two without eating. She had done so through the last day and a half. Trying to get away from her pack. Away from Sam and Emily…

How could they have asked her that? Why did Jacob ever have to step down as alph-

Bang!

Leah winced and stumbled again across the earth as a bullet this time tore through her left hind leg. She gritted her teeth, trying not to let this fact get to her, and pushed on. It would heal soon. She just had to give it time. She had been through worse. She internally cringed at herself. She must be getting rusty. Years ago she would have outran the range of her attacker by minutes ago. Only now was she just escaping their field of vision. But then again it had been years since there was anything that posed a real threat to the reservation. Fourteen to be exact, when she and the pack took down the lone leech, Victoria. The redhead had been unwise in underestimating them. Their wit and greater numbers prevented her from successfully fleeing their wrath. The pack's victorious outcome and lack of newer threats made them complacent. Their training and patrols should have been harsher. Not that any of that mattered anymore to her...if her plan didn't fail first.

Even though she still appeared to be no older than her early to mid 20s, in reality Leah was about to turn 34. But it was almost like her wolf sensed her true age as she got older through the years. She didn't heal as fast; her senses were not as sharp as in her youthful days; and she could actually grow her hair out to a decently long length without having to worry about an extra heavy coat of fur in her wolf form. It was strange. The pack had originally thought that as long as they continued to phase they would always retain their youthful looks and strong wolf forms. They were partially correct. They kept their youthful appearances but the wolves inside of them were not as powerful as when they first phased.

The elders said that this had been seen in the past. If the threat of the Cold Ones was no longer present then the wolf inside would begin to realize this and relinquish its spirit from the shifters. It was just a very, very slow process. The only way to speed it up was to choose to stop phasing, which was absolutely forbidden if you hadn't imprinted. This rule was enacted out of protection for the tribe. Unfortunately for Leah, while everyone else around her imprinted, she never did. Something she somewhat thanked God for. Imprinting was a rob of self will. No thank you. It was also something that had turned her world sideways for a period of time. A double no thank you.

But where did this leave her? With a gradually weakening wolf body that had several imprinted guys running around her because they felt guilty if they abandoned her once they had imprinted. She knew everyone thought of her as a loss cause and a burden, no matter their intentions. She literally saw it whenever she was in their minds. Well, she wouldn't be burdening them anymore. She would only be stuck with herself. That's if her body decided to finally stop bleeding.

She was getting exhausted. Wow, who was she kidding? She had been exhausted since the moment she heard those words leaving Sam's mouth. The long run just didn't improve matters. She was going to pass out soon. She could feel it.

She needed to find shelter and tend to her wounds.

Her breath was coming out in harsh pants. She vaguely realized at this moment that the hunter may have noted how abnormally large and fast she was for a wolf. She hoped the woman would shrug it off as her eyes playing tricks on her or it being too dark out to see anything properly. She mentally crossed her fingers.

Her paws began to slow as her vision began to darken. She shook her ginormous head and pushed on. No, she couldn't stop now. She had to keep her eyes open. Her nose twitched at the air. Dang it. She couldn't smell anything nearby for miles. Wait. Her body turned to the east of where she was in the forest. Yes. There was something out here. She began to run faster towards it. She swore she could see light up ahead. She was beginning to form scenarios in her head of how she could ask for help from the stranger (seeing how she was bleeding, she was sure that would be no issue) or if there was no one there, how to break in with as minimal damage as possible. However as she neared what appeared to be a tiny house, a scent she hadn't smelled in 14 years assaulted her nostrils. It was the pungent stench of bleach mixed with something overwhelmingly sweet.

A leech. She was running straight towards a freaking bloodsucker.

She looked to the heavens. Is this some sort of sick joke?

She hastily back tracked, trying to get away from the area as soon as possible. She was not in the right frame of mind or physical condition to be battling against one of those filthy vampires. She started back the way she came. She would keep running until she could no longer. Unfortunately that was a lot sooner than she had imagined. Within 5 minutes she was out cold. And unbeknownst to her, her aging wolf legs did not carry her too far from the vampire. In fact, her blood drew him her way.


End file.
